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Have you seen that “So-and-so read an article…” in your Facebook news feed, and it’s something really incriminating?

Peter read an article.
“How to hide an affair from your wife.”

Ouch.

Where does this come from? One of the latest types of apps that have emerged on Facebook, social news readers. These apps automatically post to your Facebook friends everything you read on the related news site. So for example, if you have installed the Washington Post Social Reader Facebook app, EVERYTHING you read on the Washington Post can appear in your Facebook friends’ news feeds.  This seems like a serious invasion of privacy, with inadequate forewarning for the users who enlist.

Though it is brilliant for publishers to push their articles out into Facebook’s viral atmosphere, maybe you don’t want people to know you just read about how to eradicate back warts.

Good news is, there’s ways to avoid this and ways to adjust if you haven’t avoided.

Here’s how people get into this fix. Lets say you see that your friend read an article and you’re interested in reading too, and you click on the article in your Facebook news feed. If you aren’t taken to the article but instead arrive at the app installation page where it asks you to install and allow it access before you see the article, stop. Probably you should evacuate.  But, if you want to allow a particular news app access to your news feed, and would like control over the news stream nightmare, just adjust the app settings (or remove it altogether).  Here’s how:

Log in to Facebook. In the top right hand corner is a downward facing arrow. Click on it.
Click on Account Settings.
In the left-hand sidebar click on Apps.
Click the Edit button next to the app you want to edit and adjust accordingly.

It’s highly recommended to once in a while go into your Facebook settings and see what apps you’ve installed and remove those you don’t use or recognize. You’ll be surprised what’s lurking there.

Here’s something my friend Tami emailed a couple of months ago, I saved it to share.  And for the record, my parents didn’t call me into the room to change the channel on the TV for them.

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning… uphill… barefoot… BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda.
 
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it.

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of 30 (ok maybe 40), I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia.

And I hate to say it, but you kids today don’t know how good you’ve got it.

When I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet!! If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog. There was no email!!  You had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen. Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there, and you had to pay money for a stamp to make it all happen.

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!  Nowhere was safe. 
 
There were no MP3′s or Napsters or iTunes. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself; or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players. We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would usually come unwrapped rendering it useless. Cause hey, that’s how we rolled.

We didn’t have fancy crap like call waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it! Beep-beep-beep, and you had no idea they had tried to call.
 
There weren’t any frickin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make or receive a call. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends”.  OH MY GOD!!!  Think of the horror.  And then there’s TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. 

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was.  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent…you just didn’t know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister. (We had “party lines”. It’s one way to get to know your neighbors real well.)

We didn’t have PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3D graphics. We had the Atari 2600 with games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination.  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… forever.  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died (just like real life)!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on television. You were screwed when it came to channel surfing, you had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  I remember getting called into the parents bedroom just to change the cannel for them.
 
There was no Cartoon Network, you could only get cartoons on Saturday morning.  Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little ratfinks!  (Yep Saturday mornings where great)

We didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that. I remember our first microwave…. baked potatoes for months.

And car seats – oh, please. Mom or dad threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if they had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for being a pig and calling “shotgun” in the first place.

See!!  That’s exactly what I’m talking about, you kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten.

You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before.

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

The brains of people under 21 are still developing, new technologies are helping us understand this.  As I write I reminisce of times I was proving this theory true myself and didn’t even know it.

Specifically excitement-seeking and increased risk-taking are normal activities of the adolescent brain, they are hardwired to look for intense experiences.  I imagine this normal desire is there to ensure the human race survives, in the biggest picture.  It’s the young body getting ready for something big to happen.

This high can be fed by the group as they validate each other, cheering on those brave enough to push the limits of social acceptability. Once buying into the mob mentality of the moment certainly there is no individual reflection.  On top of that is the fear of not being accepted pushing teens to join the mob.

Substance use and abuse is more quickly developed into dependency by some teens because they don’t yet have the judgement to keep the level of use under control. This use can cause severe changes to the prefrontal cortex – damage that may not be reversible and can lead to lifelong problems affecting all areas of life. Wow that explains some things.

Here are some suggestions I’ve found for those of us in the difficult predicament of parenting rebellious teens:

1. Acknowledge the lame-brain actions of our teens are just that, natural proclivities of their brain at the age it is. Explain the science to them, and realize this doesn’t give an excuse but a reason for them to be hyper vigilant about decision-making especially as part of a group.
2. Positive group activities can give the teen a much needed mob to plug into. Kids are involved in healthy activities gravitate to kids who are on the positive side. Unfortunately the frustration is another scientific fact, having gone down one path for a long time that path wears deeper and deeper and changing that path is a difficult thing. I suppose extreme situations call for extreme measures if change is to take place will apply here.
3. The need for the high of risk-taking can be filled in non-destructive ways. Amusement parks, travel adventures, and participation in challenging activities like sports, theatre or music can fill the need for a rush.
4. Give them rules they can push against that won’t end in tragedy. I think this is genius, along the lines of giving a toddler choices like “do you want a ham sandwich or macaroni and cheese” instead of asking them “what do you want to eat”.  Give the options that fill their need to be in control of themselves.  As this applies to teens, choose things where you can engage in a struggle but ultimately let them win without hurting themselves, for instance forbid certain hair color or fashion. If they choose to “buck the system” neither of these things will hurt them and it will allow them to rebel with a purple Mohawk instead of drinking & driving to get their rush.
5. Which leads to: keep things in perspective. Hair grows back, color fades out, the lip ring hole will disappear once they’re done with it. A damaged brain will stick with them however.
6. Don’t be afraid to parent. In the past I have been the biggest wuss in know in this area.  However, after researching the cause and effects of filling the need for a rush in destructive ways I got over the wuss part real quick.  When things reach critical mass it is time to not only set some serious rules for the teen but do some soul searching about parental activities.  Do as I say not as I do may work for a while but at some point doesn’t keep air in it.
7. Educate your teen about substance use and abuse. Permanent changes in the brain that can be a roadblock to success in all areas of adult life of course aren’t worth some rebellious fun earlier in life.  Of course that is true, but this can be challenging to get through a teen brain.  As part of the big picture, with other strong parenting in place, this is certainly essential for them to know.  Perhaps at some point this knowledge will come to the surface at a critical moment. Perhaps not.  But worth the chance.
8. Goals? Maybe if the teen has thought about things they want in their future it will give them something to protect in the present.  Maybe if they have something to look forward to that is of value they will have hope today.  We can discuss (and model) achieving our own goals, and have them contemplate what theirs are.  Do they want to go to college?  What is their passion in work?  What do they love to do and can they take it to the next level, whether it be work-related or more of a leisure pursuit?  Do they want a family and children of their own someday?

Watching my teenager and her friends use their cellphones and facebook has got me thinking a lot about parenting in this age of social technology. It seems to me teens are swimming in a deep enough sea of drama armed only with an old fashioned telephone. But these days the constant flow of information between them on a moment-to-moment basis via texting and facebook is taking gossiping and bullying to a new level, and gives teens (and adults) a platform to naively bare their dirty laundry in a public place.

I haven’t had a cell phone for years. Working at home always next to the land line has made it an unnecessary device for me.  However, lately I’ve been doing more and more social media work for my clients, and after seeing them post messages and photos to their twitter and facebook accounts via smart phone I felt compelled to get one for myself to fully experience the process.

Needless to say I have found it quite addicting. I texted for the first time just a month ago and understand the beauty of it. Texting is similar to emailing; you can carry on a conversation with someone without making them stop what they’re doing to pay attention. They can get back to you when it’s convenient and vice versa. Plus you can text when making a phone call is inappropriate.

However I have come to the conclusion that if I’m with other people face to face in a social setting, sending a text is just as rude as making a phonecall (unless there’s parenting or an emergency going on). Have you ever seen a table in a restaurant with 4 adults sitting there all looking down at their cellphones, busy texting? I find that ridiculous.

My experience with the smart phone has enabled me not only to text but to be able to check my facebook account anywhere there’s more than 2 bars. Because of this I have spent way more time on facebook than I used to, and have noticed both teens and adults air their dirty laundry in this public venue — from pictures of teens at parties they shouldn’t be at, to post breakup ex-bashing by grownups. I cringe when I see this stuff.

This telling-all via texting and facebook feels pretty unnatural to me, but when I think about my 15 year old I realize this generation is a different animal. Cellphones have been in use from before they were born, and I’m sure it’s quite natural — and perhaps even preferred — to communicate via keyboard.  It affords the ability to say stuff and walk away before anyone can respond or react as they would be able to in a face-to-face interaction. I think this type of conditioning can threaten one’s ability to have a real conversation, and genuinely listen to (and understand!) what another is saying. Another thing I noticed is sometimes I misunderstand what the other person is saying sans the body language and facial expressions.

Ok I’ve made my point. I enjoy the heck out of my iPhone and you’d probably have to pry it out of my dead clammy hands to get me to give it up.  However, me being a person of excess by nature, I’m working on setting some boundaries for myself and my teen in regards to new types of social technology. I want to keep my ability to communicate face-to-face intact, and always keep in mind the old saying with a new spin “count to ten before typing anything”.  Muttering something under your breath is one thing — but a text or email doesn’t go away!

I found this contract online that may be a good starting point in helping me and my daughter make some healthy cutbacks together, and maybe someone else will find it useful.

Parents and Teens Contract: Cell Phone Use

I know that having a cell phone to use is a privilege. I respect that my parents love me and want to keep me safe. My parents respect that I am becoming a young adult and want the privilege of having the use of a cell phone. With that in mind, we agree:

1. I will remember what usage is allowed with our cell phone plan and I will not go over the limits of that usage. This includes number of minutes, text message limits and/or ____________________________________.

2. I know that I am required to contribute to the cost of my cell phone. My contribution is:

3. My cell phone mut be turned off at this time _________________ each night. It is my responsibility to be sure the cell phone is being recharged each night.

4. I agree that if I am unable to keep up with my responsibilities, the use of my cell phone can be taken away from me. This can happen even if I have contributed to the cost of the cell phone plan.

5. I will not use my cell phone to take pictures of nudity, violence or other unallowed instances.

6. I will not use my cell phone to call anyone for malicious purposes. (bullying, crank calling, etc.)

7. I will not use my cell phone while driving.

8. I will limit the number of people that have my cell phone number.

9. I will limit the amount of time I am on the phone. These limitations are:

The consequences for not following through with these limits on my cell phone use are: